she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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