i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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