so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
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