The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
