OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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