im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
