Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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