You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
