Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
