When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize