So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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