Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
