I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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