i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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