Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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