Pants 0. Shit 1.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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