he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
