Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Shame is for Republicans.
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