I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
