Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize