**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
