The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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