I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
