Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
