What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize