On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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