dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
