My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
