So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
