i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
