The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
