good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
