I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
That accounts for only three of the penises
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
