If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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