Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
