why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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