I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
