Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
