Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
