I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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