Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
