she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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