dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
