The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
