i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
