whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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