Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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