We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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