I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I still have a little drunk in my system
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
