the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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