I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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