everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Someone came in the potted fern
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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