I want to make a zoo with you.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
