Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize