I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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