I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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