Hey man sorry I got all grabby
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
So much Jack, so little girl.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
