Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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