Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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