Your tits are I can't wait for
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
