I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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