Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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