have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
