I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
