On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Randomize
