Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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