I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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