I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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