I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
