Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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