How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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