just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
