I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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