PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
