I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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