I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize