Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize