I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
