I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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