eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
