I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
