i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
