I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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