So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
